Tables Turned
by RenkonNairu
Summary: for Faerie Wind...If goblins steal naughty human children, then do humans steal naughty goblin children?... Shutup!... I wish the humans would come and take you away. RIGHT NOW!...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I've run so long, I've run so far... I can't live within (Labyrinth). Oh, and I don't own it either. Labyrinth and all related characters are the legal property of Jim Henson.

(A/N: It's not important how Jareth and Sarah finally got together. There are enough fan fictions about that already so if really want to know how it happened just pick your favorite of the ones that are already written and we'll say that that's how it happened.)

**Tables Turned**

"... you're sure you'll be fine?" She pressed.

Jareth was starting to become irritated by his wife. But then again what reason did she have to believe that he'd be fine taking care of their one year old daughter alone? No. It was only his _job_ to take care of difficult children that had been wished away by their parents, siblings or legal guardians. So no. He wouldn't be fine at all. He swallowed the sarcasm, however. He had found over the years living with Sarah that it was sometimes best to do what the human men of her world did: just smile and nod, sometimes say "yes, dear" so they know you're still listening. It really was an ingenious survival tactic.

"Yes, Sarah. I'll be fine." He smiled over at Jennifer whom was rolling one of his crystals across the thrown room floor. "Look how much fun she's having already."

Goblins and gnomes alike leapt and bounded out of the way of the infant Princess as she crawled madly after the sparkling sphere.

"I'll only be gone for a few hours." She reminded him.

"And I know where to fine you if I need you." She opened her mouth to speak again. "And I know who to go to if I can't find you. And if that fails I can always drag Toby out of his after school theater club for help. Yes, I know. Really, Love, you're starting to act like a Smother Mother."

"I am not!"

He didn't reply to her weak argument, instead he smiled and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. "Do you want me to see you out of the Labyrinth?"

"I can manage on my own." She looked up at him in mock defiance then grinned. "Through dangers untold and hardships un-numbered..."

"I get it." He cut her off. If there was one quote he hated more than anything else ever vocalized, it was that damnable monologue!

Sarah walked over to where her daughter was terrorizing a squat goblin with a flat head but pointed face, and scooped the infant up in her arms (much to the goblin's relief). "Be good for daddy." she said and kissed her baled little head.

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It wasn't until the Goblin Queen had left and the Princess was held tight in her father's arms across the room, that the squat goblin with the flat head and pointed face turned to his friend and said: "If we take away rotten human children when they're bad, then do humans come and take rotten goblin children away...?"

He immediately shut his mouth when the King's head turned in his general direction and the goblin shrunk away from the scrutinizing mismatched eyes.

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(A/N: Yes it's really short. I know. I just can't think of a good reason for Jareth to with his child away. I promise the fic will be chalk full of comedy once I get over that hurdle. But for right now reviews and ideas will be most helpful.)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not, not mine... not at all. Not a word of it... nothing tra la la la...

Chapter Two:

Jareth, Goblin King of the Labyrinth, strolled leisurely through the afore mentioned maze of which he was king. With his daughter in his arms he whistled a cheery tune as bush or wall or barrier of any sort jumped and sprang madly to get out of his way.

"What shall we do today, Jenny?" He asked the infant. A dead end quickly re-alighened itself into a strait corridor at his passing. "Do you want to go see Mr. and Mrs. Wyrm at the Rose Gate entrance? Or maybe we could chilly down with the Wild Gang in the Secret Garden. Or how would you like to see that insane squirrel friend of your mother's fight to the death with some of my goblin guardsmen?"

Jennifer being only one year of age gave no response or indication as to her preference. She, as fate would have it, did not in-fact have a preference. She merely cooed in that adorable way that your own children coo that others could never mimic and stuck her fingers in her mouth.

He smiled down at the child in his arms, sucking on her fingers contentedly. "I guess you wouldn't give a care as to how we spent our day together, would you? Ah, well."

He placed her in a chair made out of stone books (the same chair the Wise Man sat in) and three crystals materialized in his hands. "Look what I can do, Jenny." He began to juggle to sparkling spheres.

Jennifer withdrew her fingers from her mouth and clapped happily at the sight of the flying orbs.

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Somewhere off in the Aboveground an irritated parent (unimportant OC) was foolish enough to wish away their young son, Name Un-known.

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"Oh, bugger." Jareth ceased his juggling and gazed into the crystal as the scene played out. Jennifer wined in protest. "I'm sorry, Honey, but daddy has to work now." He picked the child up and rocked gently her in his arms. "What shall I do with you?"

In less than a blink of the eye they had returned to the castle thrown room. There was nothing special about the teleportation, no shiny shoujo sparkles, no flashes of light, they were simply in the courtyard one moment and the castle the next.

He placed his little Princess on the throne. "Here you go, Jenny. You get to be Queen for a day." A smile.

A giggle from her.

He turned to the only two goblins in the room at that moment. His throne room was usually fool, no, over flowing with goblins, but for some unfathomable reason they all scattered whenever Jennifer was around. "You two!"

They instantly snapped to attention.

"You two are to watch her until I return. Do you understand?" They nodded their affirmative. "Good. And should anything happen to her..." His eyes suddenly flashed deadly. "... you shall wish you had never been conceived!" And with that he was gone.

The two goblins simply blinked at the spot where he had stood. "That worse then wishing we'd never been born then, is it?"

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Unimportant OC stood dumb struck by the sudden appearance of the flamboyantly costumed stranger that appeared before him. "You're..." he breathed.

Jareth nodded, it seemed that every time someone wished their child away and he had to come and collect, the first words out of everyones mouths were always, ALWAYS: "You're him. You're the Goblin King!" Honestly who'd they expect to appear? The Phantom of the Opera?

"You're him." Here we go again. "You're David Bowie!"

What?! The exclamation was left unasked.

"You sung the 'Little China Girl' song! My wife loves you! Can I have your autograph?"

"No." Didn't this guy realize that he'd just wished his child be taken away to the goblin city and turned into a goblin himself?

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Meanwhile, back at the goblin castle, the two that had been left to baby sit had their hands full with the little Princess. Jennifer had started bawling the moment her daddy had disappeared and there was nothing the hopeless sitters could do to calm her. Her cries reverberated off the walls and stones of the castle, making the structure tremble and shake with her displeasure.

"I already wish I'd never been conceived." One goblin said to the other. "How long are we going to have to watch her?"

"Thirteen hours." Said the other. "But I don't know if I can last that long. Can you?"

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Jareth was getting impatient, he wanted to get back to his day with Jenny. It was so rare that they got to spend a Father/Daughter day together and here it was ruined by this idiotic parent whom it seemed didn't even realize what he'd done or even who he, Jareth, was. He was quite tempted to just give the child back with a warning and go back home to Jennifer. The only problem with that was once someone got word that the Goblin King had gone soft, then it would be nothing but work, work, work for the rest of eternity.

"If I can't have your autograph then you're probably not going to let me take a picture, are you?"

"No." Then again, since this person didn't seem to grasp the situation maybe he could just give the child back with a pat on the head and a slap on the wrist then rush home to Jenny. After all, Sarah said she'd be gone for only a few hours, five tops, if he let this fool into the Labyrinth now then he would not only louse his day with Jennifer but still be putting this guy through trials when Sarah got home.

Alright, it was settled then. He called the child (Name Un-known) back into the room and gave him a comforting pat on the head. He then walked up to the father, grasped his hand and gave him an authoritative slap on the wrist. Jareth then turned on his heels and in less than a blink of an eye had vanished.

"Wow..." Unimportant OC stood there in a daze. "I was slapped by David Bowie!"

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Back at the castle the two goblins could stand it no longer. One of then tried to comfort her by rocking her in his arms, but seeing as how she was as big as he was this had little effect. He tried singing a lullaby, also no effect. He could not sing as well as the king, of course, no one in the Labyrinth sung as well as the king.

"I can't stand it any more!" Shouted the other goblin. "Princess stop it! Please shut-up!"

She did not.

"Oh, I wish the humans would come and take you away! RIGHT NOW!"

He regretted those word the moment they had left his mouth.

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Jareth arrived back at the castle just in time for the most horrible words imaginable to fill his ears. "...I wish the humans would come and take you away. RIGHT NOW!"

"NO!" Jareth shouted and rushed for his daughter. But she was gone. In less than the blink of an eye she had vanished, the moment the words had finished the Goblin Princess had disappeared. Two grey suited humans each with a black briefcase now stood in the throne room. "Where is my daughter?" the king demanded.

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(A/N: Sorry this took so long, but thank you for all the helpful revs.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Not mine

Disclaimer: Not mine... tra la la...

Chapter Three:

"Where's my daughter?" The King demanded. He glared disdainfully at the two suited humans in front of him. They reminded him of Auditors with their plain but well ironed and pressed grey clothing and black brief cases.

"She has been transferred to our main office for holding until a suitable guardian can be found." The one on the left answered in a monotonous tone so flat that even Jareth thought it sounded in human.

"I'm her guardian!" He tried very hard not to roar. "I'm her father! Sarah and I are her parents! You can't take her from us!"

The two humans exchanged an expressionless glance before the second addressed Jareth. "The wishers were not the legal custodians of the child in question?"

"No they were not."

"This is most irregular." Said the first. "Were they not in charge of the child at the time of the wish? Is there a contract stating that you gave legal consent for them to attend the child in question wile you were out?"

"No" Jareth had the nagging urge to throw these two in the deepest darkest ubliette he could find and just leave them there.

"Then you shall have to bring your case before the council at our main office. You'll have to fill out the necessary forms in triplicate, we have no copies on us at the moment, those to are at our office." The second set the brief case on a stone jutting out from the wall and snapped it open. After a few moments of carefully looking through neatly labeled and stacked papers he produced a business card. This he handed the king. "This has the address and fax number of the main office in the Aboveground. You'll have to find your way there yourself."

And in less than the blink of an eye they were gone again.

"You two!" He turned his ire at the failed babysitters. "You are sentenced to be the personal valets to the Prince of the Land of Stench! But you are NEVER to tell Hagwash what has happened!" If Sarah were to find out that he'd lost their child... No. Sarah would not find out!

"I thought his name was Higgle." Said one goblin.

"No, it was Hoghead." The other argued.

Jareth barred his teeth in annoyance and with a wave of his hand the two had vanished.

--

Residence of the Bog of Eternal Stench raised their heads at the sound of two identical splashes in the putrid waters. After seeing that it had been two harassed looking goblins falling in headfirst that had caused the splash, the curious citizens returned to their own affairs.

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Now that the incompetent sitters had been dealt with, the Goblin King turned to the task as hand: rescuing his daughter from the -he glanced at the card- from the 'Child Services Office' beyond the human city. A human city... in the Aboveground. He'd been to the above ground many times; it was his obligation to make an appearance after every child was wished away by an un-mindful parent, sibling... or babysitter. But aside from the fact the people used to many pale colors in their children's rooms, he knew nothing of the human world.

He needed a guide.

Getting Sarah was out of the question! If she knew that he'd lost their daughter in the same way that she'd almost lost her brother all those years ago... she be furious! Worse than furious, she'd be livid; she would monologue him to death all over again. He had only one other option. Only one other person in the Aboveground knew about him and the Labyrinth.

Jareth left the throne room and the Underground to go and find Toby.

Toby Williams, as it happened, was at his after school theater club helping design the set for their new production (which shall remain nameless). He was occupying himself by painting a worm in the background blue, when shrieks of sheer elation from the girls in the club jerked him from his meditative task.

"Oh my god!" One shrieked. "Its David BOWIE!"

This was echoed by the other girls in variations such as "Oh, wow!" or "Oh jeez!".

_Oh, no! _Was what Toby thought. He began walking towards the sounds of fan girls squealing with a sense of dread building each step.

"No! Ladies, please! I'm just here looking for my brother-in-law." Sure enough there was the Goblin King himself, surrounded by a gaggle of giggling girls. "I'm not this Bowie person every one seems to think I am! I am Jareth the Gob-"

"Jareth!" Toby rushed up before his un-witting brother-in-law could do any real damage to his social rep.

"Ah, there he is!" Jareth struggled free from the throng of ferocious females. "Is there a place where we can talk that's a little less public?"

"You did WHAT!?" Toby was absolutely livid after the panic stricken Goblin King had finished telling his tale.

"I was working!" He defended himself. "It was those fools… those… ignorant, licentious pissants!" His mismatched eyes flashed dangerously.

"Sarah is going to kill you." Toby stated flatly.

"No." The Goblin King turned back to his brother-in-law. "She's not going to find out. I'm going to this 'Child Services Office' beyond the human city to take back my child that was stolen. And you're going to help me."

"That monologue sounds familiar…" Toby muttered.

"This is where you need to take me." Jareth handed him the business car he'd received. "And we need to get there before Sarah comes home. Or else… or else… I might suffer one of those horrible 'divorce' things you humans go through."

Toby sighed. "A quest to recover a lost child within a set time limit." He glared quizzically at the Goblin King.

"Yes. The implications were not lost on me either." He waved a dismissive hand. "But I need my daughter back no matter the required trials. So, say 'good bye' to your friends here and lets be on our way."

As Toby went to explain his to his drama teacher that he had a family emergency Jareth studied the address on the business card nervously.

"I hope I can reach this place in time." He muttered to no one inparticular.

(A/N: It seems that ALL the chapters for this one are going to take forever each, so keep me in your Alerts but don't hold your breath for it to be done any time soon. I've been busy with work and life and FanFictions fall very low on my list of priorities. Sorry for that…)


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